As I listened to the speakers at the recent event I attended, honoring Louise Hay, I kept thinking about the women and men I work with, and how profoundly self-worth shapes people’s relationships with money as well as their career choices.
We can learn new financial skills, set ambitious goals, and become more confident—and yet still struggle to believe we are worthy of the security, success, and opportunities we want.
That may be the piece we don’t talk about enough. So, let’s talk!
One of my biggest takeaways from the event came from hearing Jamie Kern Lima, founder of IT Cosmetics and author of Worthy, speak about the difference between self-confidence and self-worth.
I had never thought deeply about that distinction.
Confidence can come from accomplishment. We build it by setting goals, developing skills, doing difficult things, keeping promises to ourselves, and showing up consistently. Each success becomes evidence that we are capable.
But confidence does not necessarily create self-worth.
A person can appear highly confident and accomplished while privately questioning whether she is worthy of the life, love, money, or opportunities she desires – often referred to as imposter syndrome.
You may know that you are intelligent. You may have an impressive résumé, run a successful business, or be exceptionally good at what you do. You may genuinely believe you are capable of reaching a particular goal.
But underneath that confidence, there can still be another question:
Do I truly believe I am worthy of the life I want ?
You can work toward the house you want, the career you imagine, the successful business, the healthy relationship, or the amount of money you would like to earn. You can develop the skills, make the connections, and take all the right steps.
But if some part of you believes those things are meant for other people—not for you—you may struggle to pursue them, receive them, or recognize the opportunities that could lead you there.
This is especially important in our relationship with money.
Changing our money mindset is not only about consistently replacing one thought with another. We can repeat that we are capable, abundant, and deserving, but eventually those words need to reach a deeper place inside of us.
At some point, we have to genuinely believe (more in the heart space than the head space):
I am as worthy as anyone else.
My needs and desires matter.
I am allowed to create financial security.
I am deserving of opportunities, support, and success.
I do not have to prove my worth before I can receive good things.
Mirror Work
One of Louise Hay’s best-known practices was mirror work: looking directly into your own eyes in a mirror and telling yourself that you love and accept yourself.
It sounds simple. It may even sound a little silly if you have never tried it.
But simple does not always mean easy.
We can compliment other people, encourage them, and remind them of their value. Yet looking into our own eyes and offering ourselves that same unconditional love can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.
At the event, Dr. Christiane Northrup described recommending mirror work to her patients. The practice was to look into the mirror each morning—and whenever they passed a reflective surface—and speak to themselves with love for 30 days.
Imagine looking directly at yourself and saying:
I love you.
You are enough.
You are everything you need to be.
The purpose is not to convince yourself that you are perfect. Self-love does not require perfection. It doesn’t get you off the hook from doing what needs to be done either.
It asks you to recognize your humanity and your inherent worth, even as you continue learning, growing, and changing.
Pay Attention to How You Speak to Yourself
We cannot practice self-love for a few moments in front of a mirror and then spend the rest of the day criticizing ourselves.
Criticism quietly erodes the good work we are trying to do.
Notice what you say to yourself when you make a mistake, experience rejection, overspend, miss an opportunity, or fall short of a goal.
Do you say:
That didn’t go the way I hoped. What can I learn from it?
Or do you say:
I’m so stupid. I always ruin everything. I’ll never get this right.
Those messages do not motivate us to improve. They make us afraid to try again.
This can be particularly damaging with money. One disappointing investment, an unsuccessful business idea, a period of debt, or a financial decision we regret can become “proof” that we are simply bad with money.
But a mistake is not your identity. It is an experience—and an experience can teach you something.
Instead of berating yourself, you might say:
I would handle this differently next time.
This was painful, but I learned something valuable.
This experience does not have to stop me.
I can move forward with better information.
Failure and rejection are not always signs that we are on the wrong path. Sometimes they redirect us away from what is not right for us and toward something better.
Worthiness Is Not Something You Earn
We often behave as though worthiness is a prize we receive after accomplishing enough, earning enough, pleasing enough people, or finally getting everything right.
But worthiness is not something we earn through achievement.
We are already worthy of pursuing love, well-being, opportunity, financial security, and a meaningful life. The work is learning to believe that deeply enough that our choices begin to reflect it.
Jamie Kern Lima said this:
Confidence says, “I believe I can do this.”
Self-worth says, “I believe I am worthy of what becomes possible when I do.”
We need both. But without that deeper sense of worthiness, even our greatest accomplishments may never feel like enough.
Perhaps the place to begin is the same place Louise so often invited us to begin: by looking ourselves directly in the eyes and practicing the words we may most need to hear.
I love you. You are enough. And you are worthy of pursuing the life you want to create.
Michelle